Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in which the abuser manipulates the victim into doubting their own perceptions and memories. The abuser may deny events that have occurred, or try to convince the victim that their memories are incorrect or that they are crazy. This type of abuse can be highly manipulative and can have a serious impact on the victim’s mental health and self-esteem.
Some common tactics used in gaslighting include:
- Denying events or information: The abuser may deny that certain events occurred or that they said or did certain things, even when presented with evidence to the contrary.
- Lying: The abuser may lie or make up stories in order to manipulate the victim into doubting their own perceptions.
- Isolating the victim: The abuser may try to isolate the victim from friends and family in order to more easily control them.
- Discrediting the victim: The abuser may try to undermine the victim’s credibility by implying that they are unstable or untrustworthy.
If you suspect that you or someone you know is a victim of gaslighting, it is important to seek help from a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional. It is also important to remember that you are not to blame for the abuser’s actions and that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.
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Where does the Term Gaslighting Come From?
The term “gaslighting” comes from the 1938 play “Gas Light” (also known as “Angel Street”) and the film adaptations that were produced in the 1940s. In the story, a husband tries to convince his wife and others that she is losing her mind by manipulating small elements of their environment, such as dimming the gaslights in their home and denying that they were ever brightened. The wife begins to doubt her own perceptions and memories, leading to feelings of confusion and uncertainty.
The term “gaslighting” has since been adopted to describe a type of emotional abuse in which the abuser manipulates the victim into doubting their own perceptions and memories. It is a form of psychological manipulation that can have serious consequences for the victim’s mental health and well-being.
Myths About Gaslighting
There are several myths about gaslighting that are commonly believed, but are not necessarily true. Here are a few examples:
- Gaslighting only happens in romantic relationships: Gaslighting can occur in any type of relationship, including friendships, familial relationships, and even professional relationships.
- Gaslighting is always intentional: While it is true that many cases of gaslighting are intentional, it is also possible for someone to engage in gaslighting behaviours without realizing it. They may be unaware of the impact their actions are having on the victim.
- Gaslighting is easy to spot: Gaslighting can be subtle and insidious, and the abuser may not always be overt in their actions. It can be difficult to recognize that you are being gaslighted, especially if you have a strong emotional connection to the abuser.
- Gaslighting is a rare occurrence: Gaslighting is a relatively common form of emotional abuse, and it can happen to anyone. It is important to be aware of the signs of gaslighting and to seek help if you suspect that you or someone you know is being gaslighted.
- Gaslighting is only harmful if the victim believes the lies: Even if the victim does not fully believe the lies and manipulation of the abuser, the impact of gaslighting can still be damaging. The victim may doubt their own perceptions and memories, leading to feelings of confusion, uncertainty, and insecurity.
Gaslighting and Ontological Insecurities
Ontological insecurity refers to a deep-seated feeling of uncertainty about one’s own identity or existence. Gaslighting, as I mentioned earlier, is a form of emotional abuse in which the abuser manipulates the victim into doubting their own perceptions and memories. In the context of ontological insecurity, gaslighting can be used as a tool to further destabilize the victim’s sense of self and reality.
For example, an abuser who is aware of their partner’s ontological insecurities may consciously or unconsciously use gaslighting tactics to convince the victim that they are not worthy of love or that they are inadequate in some way. This can further erode the victim’s confidence and self-esteem, leading to even greater feelings of insecurity and uncertainty about their own identity.
It is important for individuals with ontological insecurities to seek support and validation from trusted sources, such as friends, family, or a mental health professional. It is also important for individuals to be aware of any abusive behaviours in their relationships and to seek help if necessary.
Gaslighting and Relationships
Gaslighting is a harmful and abusive tactic that can have serious consequences in relationships. It can erode trust and undermine the victim’s sense of self and reality, leading to feelings of confusion, uncertainty, and insecurity.
In a relationship, gaslighting can take many forms. The abuser may deny events or information, lie, or try to isolate the victim from friends and family. They may also try to discredit the victim, implying that they are unstable or untrustworthy.
If you suspect that you or someone you know is being gaslighted in a relationship, it is important to seek help from a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional. It is never okay to be mistreated or manipulated, and it is important to remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. If you are in an abusive relationship, it may be necessary to seek safety and support from a domestic violence shelter or other resources.
Contact Us
If you have been affected by these issues, it may be the time to think about therapy. Taking the decision to start counselling or therapy can feel like a big step and there is often some apprehension about the process and how it works. All of the Leone Centre counsellors and therapists are experienced, accredited and highly professional.
At the Leone Centre we can help you to choose a therapist, book your appointment and explain the process. Alternatively, if you are ready to get started, you can book directly.
If you do feel like you need some help and support, Leone Centre counsellors and therapists are available 7 days a week. Call us on 020 3930 1007.