Codependency refers to a psychological and relational construct involving an unhealthy relationship that people might share with those closest to them emotionally, physically or sexually. It was initially believed to encompass families of alcohol abuse, but now it has broadened to include other dysfunctional interpersonal relationships.
The American Psychological Association defines co-dependency as “a chronic pattern of emotional dependence” diagnosed when partners cannot establish and maintain healthy independent relationships.
Signs of co-dependency in relationships can be subtle. If you observe your partner or close ones taking care of others more than themselves, they may be suffering from co-dependency.
Other signs might include low self-esteem, difficulty in setting boundaries or saying no, depression, emotional unavailability, anxiety, overthinking small incidences, needing to be liked, and being unable to detach from unhealthy people.
Some co-dependent people may not even be aware that they have a personality disorder, which means they may go unnoticed until it is too late.
There are several approaches available to help co-dependency, depending on the presentation and the context. In most cases, the primary source of help and support is family therapy group counselling or individual psychotherapy.
Many co-dependent people have learned in early life relational patterns that have become an issue in adult life. Family therapy or group counselling is a potential positive choice and option if you are experiencing warning signs of co-dependency.
Dr. Albert Ellis, a clinical psychologist and member of the American Psychological Association, has stated: “A fundamental problem in co-dependency is the failure of the individual to provide for himself a sense of emotional security and self-esteem.
This occurs due to the need to rely on others to provide care or fulfil needs.” Co-dependency develops over time due to a history of abuse or a significant life event. A life event can include losing a job, a parent, a friend or experiencing a divorce.
Those who suffer co-dependency may either not recognise or act like they don’t have any relational challenge when actually the issues and consequences of co-dependency are many and impact the quality of life and relationships.
Denial is a defence mechanism; it is easy to let yourself believe that you are worthless when, in reality, you are a valuable person. You may also begin to blame others when you should be blaming yourself for your co-dependency.
Often, co-dependent relationships are ingrained in the Drama Triangle with roles like the victim, persecutor and rescuer. These roles trigger significant imbalances of power and dysfunctional dynamics.
The primary process to help co-dependency is talking. Most co-dependents say that talking helped them realise that they were allowing their negative emotions to fuel their relationship problems.
Most people find that talking therapies effectively develop awareness, change mindset and behaviour, and improve their sense of self-worth.
It is important to talk with your loved ones about your co-dependency so that they can understand what you are going through and they can offer you the support you need to get through it.
Some people seek help from an individual marriage counsellor or a psychotherapist. There are other resources available, including online therapy, to make help as accessible as possible. Therapy is a good option for those struggling with issues of co-dependency.
Although outpatient therapy is very helpful for those who wish to receive treatment for their addiction, it is important to remember that it is not the same for everyone. People with a co-dependent relationship may not be able to attend a regular group counselling session, whereas those in outpatient settings may want to attend.
There are other resources available, including online therapy, so those searching for treatment options do not need to give up on finding help if it does not work out with their family and friends.
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